where?

what are we hoping to find?
searching far and wide.
Is it the elusive answer..where,
oh where is love?
it won't be found if actively looking,
it is wanted too badly,
and choices made like that
are the wrong ones.
When you let go
and stop looking
it will find you.
That is my belief.

Desperation and wanting make
for poor choices,
settling for the next
potential prince
 that scrap of hope ensnares,
 when he comes riding along.

I once gave up, or
thought I had.
Then it seemed a miracle
had found me.

But...inside there was still
that dream,
and that beginning filled with fake miracles,
 filled the need.
I thought it an answer to a prayer.
Instead a warped future
entangled me.
It twisted into a vision
of a dream come true,
but it was false, so false.
Wanting to believe
I tended that vision,
wiping away lies,
and pretending that falseness
was something I could conquer.

It is sad when we blind
ourselves out of need for love.
Wanting something badly enough to
wish it true,
even when it quickly becomes
apparent that it is not.

Truth, faith,
and belief in myself
were pushed aside
in fulfilling a false hope.

When it all fell apart
the pain engulfed me,
leaving little room
for anything else.

But time has numbed
and erased that open wound.
Learning to love myself again
was a battle I have won.

I sometimes sit and wonder
if that other person will ever
know the truth about themselves.
Just as guilty as I was, in their own
search, since they never stopped looking,
somehow still empty even while saying they were
content and in love.

It's been a while since I opened this door.
Perhaps now it can be locked and secured
never to be opened again,.

And still I have a kernel of hope,
waiting patiently in my heart,
but I am no longer looking.
Fate will or will not have it's day.